Imagine being in a relationship for so very long, experiencing all the ups and downs together…sharing great moments as a couple…forced to face the emotional turmoil …which typically ends in a break-up (so what’s new, right?)…and somehow we get really stupid (Oops!)…we would blindly turn around and crawl back to our ex to have another go at it…
Yeah, life may seem to be colourful again for a short while when suddenly… WHAM!!! While you actually take the time to spend your solitary moment on your own, be it in your room, in the toilet, the office or a serene place where you can actually start thinking rationally, you may begin to think about the inevitable: Is your relationship really worth saving? (Regardless of whether the feelings are still there or not). Several questions would pop up, running through your head and many others would end up regretting.
So what do I mean by regret? (One may ask). Well, you may regret getting back with your ex-lover in the first place. Gradually, if not sooner, guilt rushes in (because you are too afraid to let go or you feel sorry for whatever reason that you have). In time, this feeling will start eating you alive and consequently, you’ll end up having more problems. It’s like going back to the infamous square one. Unhappiness may start setting in and BOOM! Before you know it, or without both of you realizing it, your lives are officially miserable…
Now this is where one of major problems starts… the cheating curve surfaces mercilessly (or re-surfaces once again…depending on your situation). You see…cheaters are excellent (or at least good) liars. Truth be told that if you can’t lie, then don’t even think about executing your evil plan. You should at least be an adult and consider calling it quits before any of you gets hurt. But what makes a bad liar an excellent (or good) one? Interesting thought, isn’t it? I will leave it up to you to ponder…
Cheating, on the other hand, is like being in a witty play. It has to be well-planned, otherwise karma will bite you right in the ass! Interestingly, the notion of “cheating”, being the progressive form of the infinitive verb “to cheat”, has been looked down upon or condemned by so many people in history. Take Hilary Clinton, for example. She was blatantly cheated on by her beloved husband, Bill Clinton. And the Americans call it a scandal! We all live in a funny and harsh universe. Naturally, this makes one of them look bad, when we know that there were several different factors contributing to their dilemma. So… who’s to blame here? We never know! It’s just too personal. We may come up with many different assumptions, but the truth is, it takes two to tango, and they are the only ones who know the truth. Who knows…before they were married, they had once or twice broken-up and got back together again? And the problem just re-surfaced…publicly…Hence, the scandal…Hmm…
Some people tend to go around the motion that they can miraculously ‘repair’ their dying (or dead?) relationship, when there is absolutely nothing to fix to start with. They would, without fail (and with so much effort), go back together… with the noble intention to fix what went wrong. Or was it simply a sweet revenge? (That’s a thought!) Is it worth it? Or is getting back together just a quick fix up to our loneliness? I wonder…Really!!!
As for the “freshies” (referring to those who have just broken-up), we can’t lie to ourselves that sometimes (if not all the time) we would actually travel back, in retrospect, to memory lane, cherishing all those happy (or sad?) moments…wasting our valuable time reminiscing…and usually, at this point, the weak-hearted would feel utmost despair, not being able to take the pain (or pressure?) caused by the whole drama. You feel even more insecure each day about your feelings…sabotaging your only hope, that is, your OWN happiness. But can we really blame these people? Yes and no. Why? I’m still trying to figure out. It’s too subjective.
Amazingly, over the years, I have learnt so many things about doomed relationships…experienced some really bad break-ups, heard people talking about their relationships blah…blah…blah… I managed to pick out imaginary rules from thin air that I thought could be applied in most, if not all, scenario…Mind you, these are only fractions of my personal thought on this matter and I am no expert in this field, but here goes anyway…
MY “POST” BREAK-UP RULES: Survival guide for the broken-hearted
Rule #1: Once you have broken-up, never, EVER get back together!
Rationale: You have been hurt by the break-up (DUH!) Like the pain wasn’t enough, we have also won ourselves one too many emotional baggages (What are the odds, right?!). Do we really need to get into this mess all over again? Or have we become immune to pain? Numb to the situation? Think twice…in actual fact, take all the time you need to think it over. I’m pretty certain, you’ll rise to the occasion, in spite of the ‘stagnant’, single and lonely life you are in now. What’s DONE IS DONE!
Rule #2: Stop obsessing about your EX!
Rationale: You only have so much time in your hands. It is our daily task to think. We think when we talk, eat, walk – HECK! We even think when we are fast asleep! And God forbid, we also think (God knows what!) when we are having sex! It is true…the mind wanders involuntarily. So my point is that you wouldn’t want to spend the tiniest residue of time thinking or talking about your ex. Channel your pent up frustration, anger and sadness onto something more positive and productive like doing things that you could never do while you were still in a relationship. Surround yourself with good company and talk about something more intellectually challenging. You are your own canvas…spend quality time alone – make yourself look and feel good, because as corny as this may sound, you are worth it!
Rule #3: Simply sail on…
Rationale: No matter how much your ex misses you or wants to get back with you, be thankful that you have been saved from all sorts of misery (if you were to stay in that relationship). Move on and hook up with new people. Like all those businessmen out there would say, “Cut all losses!!!” and get your ass back in the dating game. Or you can just simply choose to be alone for a while, until you have regained your strength back to fly to a far away island called “Happiness”. It may be a long journey, but it is worth the sacrifice. As people would say, “Love yourself first before loving others”… this over-looked perspective, to be frank, has changed my life forever…
